What I learned at Sunday school

What I learned at Sunday school

Alternative to Dianetics
Ever thought about further education, going back to school? What would you study? Law, languages, computers, maybe even drama?

How about Biblical Evangelism? Oh, yes naturally there's a course that teaches you how to peddle bollix for Jesus. It promises all sorts of practical skills.

How would you like to be able to make an atheist backslide – in two minutes?

Wow. Two minutes? That's incredible! I must learn this impressive backsliding technique. But wait there's more.

Or learn to use the incredible yet forgotten biblical principle of bypassing the intellect and speaking directly to a sinner's conscience, as Jesus did?

Now that's a skill everyone can use–bypassing the intellect! Politicians, pro-life campaigners, American Idol wannabees. It's fun for all the family.

While I am interested in the module 'Understanding Other Religions – Islam, Hinduism, Mormonism,' I'm not so sure this will be an objective historical and cultural analysis since the next module is 'Witnessing to Those Cults.' So much for ecumenicalism.

I didn't want to shell out the $150 for tuition so I looked into their scholarship program. To qualify you must take the 'Am I a Good Person' test. This walks you through the Ten Commandments one by one and shows you how you've broken them all. What, you haven't murdered anyone? Don't worry

God sees hatred in the heart to be as wicked as murder. We can violate His Law by attitude and intent.

Never technically committed adultery? Not a problem,

whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Have you ever looked at another person with lust?

Well, Gosh I normally only score about a seven on the Ten Commandments scale but with this new improved method, I scored a maximum 10/10.  But is it really necessary to take this test before applying for a scholarship? Seriously what is the point if everyone gets the same result?

There follows a yes/no round of questions about 'sound doctrine' (hint: answer everything YES). Personally, I think more than a few simple followers of Christ will be hard pressed to know exactly what is meant by

Do you believe in the absolute necessity of regeneration by the Holy Spirit for salvation because of the exceeding sinfulness of the human nature, and that all are justified on the single ground of faith in the shed blood of Christ, and that only by God's grace through faith alone are we saved

That's quite a mouthful for any armchair exegesist to grapple with. I guess I'm going with YES? Wait, am I bypassing my intellect?

Surely anyone who signs up for this course is already a master at that particular skill.