Take One At…

Boy this is an easy one. I simply throw two things together. Then you do a quick compare-and-contrast, just like apples and oranges. I sit back an listen to the tut-tutting, the clucking, the Jayzus-ing, the 'fecking typical!'-ing.

Oh yes, you'll like this one.

Ever read the Irish Times property page? I love that 'Take Five At…' section, where we see properties from around the world for sale at the same price.

I could do a better job though. The column doesn't do it right. Firstly, the houses they pick are mostly boring. Secondly, they often only show us a shot of the living room. Thirdly, they regularly choose prices like €3.2M (I know it's the I.T. but seriously, who buys a house for that kind of money outside Ireland?).

Here's the kind of thing I'd show:

Two-bedroom terraced house in Sandymount. With south-facing rear garden (see below).

Beautiful isn't it? Well, much as we'd all love to live in Dublin, it does seem like bit of a steep price tag for the property: €650,000.

I'd love to live in D4–then all the radio programmes would make sense to me.

On the other hand, with a misty-eyed farewell to the Capital of our Hearts, those of us keen on adventure might decide to forgo Dublinum entirely and search abroad for a tidy bargain. And what's this…?

Oh my, sure it's only the castle Horní Maršov in Krkonoše–the largest mountain skiing resort in the Czech Republic.

Hmm, tell me more.

Built in the baroque style in 1792, this magnificent castle boasts several spiral staircases, enclosed courtyard, tennis court…

But does it have an old backyard or anything, like what we'd get up in Sandymount?

Yes. And, er, no.

As far as I can tell from the photos, it's number of bedrooms, reception rooms, drawing rooms and other assorted rooms, approaches infinity the more you look at it (best guess around 60 rooms in total? No idea.) The footage clocks in at over 17,000 sq ft. It has three sides like this:

Sure, it's all very well for the millionaires of this world isn't it…

Excuse me? Oh no, you see this little gem goes under the hammer for €682, 853. Gosh, I know it's five percent more expensive than the two-bedroom terrace (with the south facing garden) in Sandymount, but it does have a few extras, like it's own f**king private theatre which can seat a hundred.

Holy Crap!

Yes, indeed. So, who's with me? We need a few investors. For maybe ten grand each you'll get your own luxury suite all year round (no time share, you can rent it out if you want to), all the skiing you can handle, the bragging rights of owning a castle…

Sorry, getting a bit carried away. Back to reality. Nice little 'end of terrace' (sort-of) on Wolfe Tone Street maybe? Asking €150,000.